From beyond the grave
by Lungor Sterling Lycien
Summary: Just a normal afternoon bewteen friends can change lives forever... Especially when a dreadful accident happens, that may lead to a new way of life... Death, tragedy, love, family, friends... When everything is mixed up, is it always a good thing...?
1. Chapter 1

_From beyond the grave…_

_Announcement_

Description:

After a dreadful accident, Nate is rushed to the hospital in a critic state and the doctors are very pessimists about this case. As her girlfriend go through so much with family and close friends, she slowly unravels life secrets that will open her eyes… Falling in love is a thing, but rising from the fall is another one… Will she be able to?

Rated:

Mostly T but K+ sometimes, it's just about reflexion.

Genre:

Tragedy/Romance

Warning:

No characters in this story belong to me. They all belong to their rightful owner. Except for the story, this is my invention… I hope you will enjoy this one but remember to keep your mind open… You might be surprised... Also, it'd be great if you could listen _Set The Fire To The Third Bar_ by Snow Patrol… Really, listen carefully to it, and just try to feel the emotions coming from this song… At least, just listen, it would be great before or after reading the story… Except these warnings, I have nothing more to add. You can go on and… Enjoy!

Release date (first two chapters):

In about a week, or more.

A story of:

_Lungor Sterling Zachary Camille Lycien_

Dedicated to:

A very special person, Garou, Tigre Blanc, Jon', l'Italien, Hajar… And everyone because I think I might forget someone!

To my family.

But also, to a great author in this site… Her talent can only equal her imagination… I'm writing about starsnuffers, a very talented author. Only her can write such amazing stories…

And to all the readers who take time to come in this site and to read stories.


	2. Chapter I

_From beyond the grave…_

Chapter I: In the hospital…

Why?

That was all I could think about…

Why…

Even thought it'd probably do nothing…

I just should have known about it all…

It's my fault. My entire fault…

_###°###_

_-Put me down!_

_-No way! We're only just a street from there!_

_-You're just… Stubborn!_

_-And that's quite a quality to me!_

_-Stubborn…_

_We were just running down the street. Well, it was more a piggy-back ride than a run… She was on my back and I was running. The wind was cool, not warm, not cold… The stars came out to play, it was silent… Just a perfect night, with the perfect girl. _

_-Oh, look!_

_I stopped as soon as I heard her voice. There it was. The Lagunita Lake in California. You can't miss it… She hopped down, taking my hand, leading me towards our spot. Yep, our spot, pretty clubby isn't it? We sat there, looking at the reflection of the moon in the water. Everything was silent; I could only hear my heart beating fast in my chest. _

_-Told ya' today was full moon…_

_-Yeah…_

_###°###_

I heard another "beep" and voices that seemed to be so far away from me… It's like being in a tunnel where you can hear everyone, their voices echoing, but it's just dark. You hear, but you can't see… I think there's a man somewhere near me with at least two women… I hear strange noises along with the "beep" that keep echoing.

For just a second, I felt pain. A strange pain. It's like it's dragging me away… Every single sound slowly faded… I'm alone. I can't hear, can't feel, can't see… The only thing that keeps me in that strange conscious state is my memory… Many memories are passing me by… But I can't even hold them back…

_###°###_

_We were best friends since the very beginning… Like Mitchie and my brother, Shane… We lived in San Luis Obispo, California, but it wasn't our hometown. We were born in Dallas, Texas. California gave opportunities to our family and we moved there, rather quickly in my opinion… There, we met the neighbors. The Torres, the Pador, the Tyler, and the Gellar… We befriended with them and soon, went from "acquaintances" to "best friends for life". As years went on, we grew up together and got closer and closer each day. Jason, the oldest, was… Well, he was our brother. Very special, but still very funny, kind and supportive… But still strange… Shane, my older brother, the other, was the cocky soon-to-be superstar… Very fierce and strong. I, the last kid of the Gray family, was shy, quiet, but smart and straight. A very obedient child, law-abiding. Caitlyn was smart too, but very enthusiastic and fun-loving, a bit like me… And that's how we grew fond of each other… Maybe it was meant to be…_

_-Hey, the light… _

_-What do you want?_

_-Just wanna play…_

_-I have enough, leave me alone…_

_-Not until you give me what I want! You know that! You know that-_

_-Caity!_

_I rushed towards the source of her shaking voice. She was pulled back to her locker by that "smart head"… Who is just a baseball superstar in this high school and is not bright at all…_

_-Oh, look at that… Romeo's in town?_

_-Leave her alone!_

_-Yeah? What if I don't? What'd you do?_

_He grinned at her, making her shake in fear, before facing me. I f he thinks he can treat her that way…_

_-Fight._

_He smirked, standing tall, way taller than me. I wasn't impressed. I've seen many guys in movies who were Goliaths and were defeated by small David… _

_-In that case… Come on, little buddy, let's have a fight here and see who'd crush the other…_

_He stood in fighting stance, balling his fists. I must confess that I knew nothing about brawls then and… Luckily, my brothers and friends came to help me out… Lame, I know… But, even if a tooth was missing, and I had a black eye, Caitlyn was alright… And the faggot got detention… T'was my first fight…_

_When Christmas time came, we would gather around the fireplace and spend these moments together. Well, it didn't last long… And how I miss these moments… When I sang in a barber shop –I was six by the way- a manager found some interest in me. A year later, I performed on Broadway. I guest starred in TV episodes. I sang and soon after, I had my first album… Then, I formed a band with my brothers. Yep, that's how it began for Connect Three… _

_From that moment on, we could only see our friends by camera. We kind of really missed everything… Our house, our hometown, our neighbors, our family, our friends…When we got the opportunity, we'd spend some weeks in Obispo, or they would join us on tour. It just depended on the opportunities. The worst part was when we hadn't seen them for a year and two months. Horrible… _

_But we had to settle back in our hometown, as we had to pass our exams. Three whole years with them… But things had changed… We grew up and weren't kids anymore… I missed those days when we'd play hide and seek, run down the stairs… But they were over…_

_Our games were different. _

_That's how it all began…_

_My big brother Shane dated Mitchie, as I was dating Caitlyn. Jason, on the other hand, would come with us, but never went out with someone. Always alone, but never on his own… _

_My big brother and Mitchie were out that night. They were somewhere in town, in a restaurant I can't quite remember the name. Jason planned on staying up late, watching horror movies with a friend. Mom and Dad were invited by the Gellar. Everyone was busy. So, I called Caitlyn and told her to meet me at our spot. _

_Which she did._

_Then…_

_###°###_

Another strong pain hit me hard in my chest. That was all I could feel. Pain. And still, you never have enough, just to know you're among the livings. I hear more "beep" things but can't see anything. I feel myself like floating, almost somewhere far away… But I feel a sharp pain going through my chest and it's a longer and stronger one… It's like being torn in two… Ripped piece by piece…

-Help!

That voice…

-Nate! Hold on!

The pain hit me once again. I cough, opening my eyes, but I'm blinded by a white light. I still can make out shadows…

-Nate…

It's Caitlyn… Why is she crying? She's making me sad…

-Oh, bro'… If only I knew… I could've-

-You couldn't have done something…

My bros? Why are they all sad? And why do the doctor and nurses look at me with stern looks? Why are they…?

-We called our parents… They're on their way… To the hospital.

-Good… We gave him painkillers… But I don't think it'll be enough…

What happened to me? Why can't I move? Why can't they see me? Why are they crying? Why did they call our parents? Why?

-You should rest, Caitlyn…

-No… I… Wanna stay here…

-What really happened?

Then, she burst into heartbreaking sobs. I want to run and hold her, telling her I'm okay, but I can't… All because of that body that can't move! All because of me-

-He got hit by a drunken driver…

I…

Remember…

_###°###_

_-Beat ya'!_

_-Just lucky… I didn't wanna run…_

_We were almost at our spot, just a street away from there. It was dark, but not too much, as we could see the park in the distance. She was smiling, glowing. We were holding hands in the fresh night. _

_-Come on… You're tired today?_

_-Nope… Just thinking…_

_-About…?_

_I looked at her, smiling, leaning closer. I could smell her perfume and see that look inside her eyes… I was speechless. I knew she was the one for me… Just by looking at her. And it was the same for her._

_-Just thinking about-_

_Just then, I heard loud music in the distance. I turned my head away, just to catch a glimpse of a bright light which didn't move straight, but right to left incredibly fast. _

_-Jump!_

_-What?_

_-Jump!_

_I pushed her around, and she landed in the grass. I was about to run when I felt a strong pain running through my body. I saw the pavement shining under me. I felt horrible, like if I just have been skinned alive… I tried to turn around and then… I saw her fearful and tearful eyes as she put a bleeding hand on my cheek. I thought she was hurt but she wasn't. It was me. I slowly stopped breathing; it was killing me just to think… The music slowly faded away as screams replaced it. How I loved her so much… Darkness… _

_###°###_

-Help!

A sharp pain hit me once again. Screams, cries and lots of "beep"… I heard the door being shut… I heard yells…

-Nate!

I heard nothing more… I felt nothing more…

I saw a bright light…

I couldn't remember anything…

Just my family and my friends…

And I think that at that very moment… When I started to see but felt and heard nothing…

I think that…

I was dead.


	3. Chapter II

_From beyond the grave…_

Chapter II: Broken heart…

Nate, Nate, Nate…

Dang it!

Nate, Nate…

Nate… That's all I'm actually thinking about…

After all, he was my friend, then my best friend…

Before becoming my boyfriend, my first love...

But it's screwed up… Everything's passing me by and I can't even hold it! I can't even hold onto someone, as that someone's not beside me… I just should've known it all, I just should've been careful! It's my entire fault if he's in a hospital bed… It's all because of me! He told me to jump and I didn't! When he'll tell me to do something in the future, I'll do it without thinking! But for God's sake! I hope he's alright… I felt a squeeze on my shoulder, but a warm one, than someone hugged me. I turned my head a bit; just enough to see it was Mitchie and Nate's brothers… I couldn't look them in the eyes… It was so horrible, I felt so guilty…

-Where's Nate…?

Jason's voice was low, almost inaudible. I pointed the door in the corner silently, feeling sobs coming… Mitchie sat on the chair beside me, hugging me tight. Shane and Jason sat beside me, looking at the door. I knew what they were thinking… I'm just horrible…

-Caity'… It's not your fault…

-No, no, no… It's all mine… I should've-

-You couldn't have done something about it. Either it was you or him… At least, he did what he thought was best: protecting you… It's just the driver's fault.

-Yeah… And don't you dare start crying or Nate'll come all the way down here, even if he'd be barf-

-Alright, Shane, don't start low jokes…

-But everyone loves my jokes… Don't you?

-Shane…

Kevin's voice echoed in the corridor. It was so unlike him to be the one who's in charge… Usually, he'd be the one telling dumb jokes, blabbering about birds and birdhouses… Childish and immature… But now, he knew he had better things to do. He got up from his seat to sit next to Caitlyn, who still couldn't look them in the eyes.

-You still can… And will always can…

-What?

-Look me in the eyes…

-I don't-

-You're no kind of murderer, Caitlyn, know it… You're our best friend and our little bro''s girlfriend…

-But I… You… When we're together, we're supposed to look after each other! He did but not me! I… That's just… Ah!

She let her head fell in her shaking hands. Jason silently leaned closer, and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her with Mitchie. Shane did the same, with a sad smile on his face.

-Aw… Group hug!

-Weird…

She sobbed quietly on his shoulder. Sometimes, he acted like an adult. He could be a great fatherly figure.

-Never forget that we're just one big family…

-I will… Try…

A few more sobs escaped her lips as he tried his best to soothe her. Love is strong but has two different faces which can turn one's heart on fire or break it in two… But the issue is never known before it all happens, sometimes in just a second… And that was one of these moments that two hearts were actually in… A rather tall yet fat man in white blouse pushed a door open, glaring at the small group. Everything was silent; no one wanted to make the first move, fearing some kind of blow below the belt from the destiny. Kevin slightly pushed Caitlyn into Mitchie's arms. He gently lifted some hair out of her eyes, smiling warmly at her, whispering "it'll be alright" before turning towards the doctor who waited patiently.

-Is everything all right with our brother and well… Friend?

The doctor coughed a bit, readjusting his brown glasses, which matched his eyes. He tapped Jason's shoulder, leading him towards another room, shutting the door behind them.

-I can't… I have to go and see by myself!

Caitlyn got up from her chair and entered the room. Without thinking, Mitchie followed her. Left alone in the corridor and craving inside to see his little brother, he did the same. Once inside, they couldn't believe what they saw… Pumps, pipes, "bip"s and monitors… It seemed like he was not a human anymore, just a machine… They crept closer, but let Caitlyn sat next to him. She looked down at him, with watery eyes, tears threatening to fall at any instant. She quickly kissed his cheek while the others just sat on the other side. They were holding each other firmly, feeling overwhelmed by all this tension.

-Oh, Nate…

She kept holding his hand as she looked at all the monitors, seeing many graphs and curves… Whose were very low… Even Nate's breaths were almost inaudible. Everything was going on so fast… The doctor accompanied by two nurses and Jason came into the room silently. Jason was frozen by the mere sight of his injured little brother. He spoke sentences they didn't understand, they were just out of place for them… They friend was lying in a hospital bed and he was asking for mutual insurance company codes… Whose Jason gave instantly. Needing more details, they were all gone to the doctor's office once again and the trio was alone.

-Nate…

Caitlyn gently touched his hands, trying to regain any kind of comfort. But then, his body ached before laying flat and many spasms were making him jump.

-Help!

Caitlyn yelled instantly, making everyone rush next to her. Completely panicked, Mitchie tried to take her friend away for a moment, so she could calm down while Shane ran out of the room to get someone.

-Nate! Hold on!

But his body strangely relaxed except for his arm which was still shaking violently. The doctors, Jason and the nurses came back immediately, and the white blouses checked every machine. Caitlyn was still crying, making everyone even sadder.

-Nate…

Shane and Jason were on the other side, close to the window, looking at him in utter sadness and horror. Jason put his head in his palm, feeling tears coming.

-Oh, bro'… If only I knew… I could've-

-You couldn't have done something…

Shane placed an arm around his shoulders, not saying anything.

-We called our parents… They're on their way… To the hospital.

-Good… We gave him painkillers… But I don't think it'll be enough…

The other girls were silent, except Caitlyn, who was sobbing. She couldn't turn her face away from Nate. It was like turning away from her heart. It's like turning away from who she is.

-You should rest, Caitlyn…

-No… I… Wanna stay here…

-What really happened?

Then, she burst into heartbreaking sobs. She clanged a bit tighter onto Mitchie's shoulders. She turned her head bit away from her sobbing best friend to look at Shane, who was just staring at the ground, eyes down in sadness.

-He got hit by a drunken driver…

Everything went silent again. The doctor slowly lifted the sheets, checking his body, mostly his chest and ribs in slow motions, like a ceremony. But a dark one. He turned around, to face Jason, the oldest. He nodded sternly, with a dark face. And that small nod tore their world apart. Some more "beep" filled the room before becoming a wild melody, breaking everyone's ears. Except that the white blouses only gave him an injection of some liquid. The machine, which showed his now slowing heart rate, biped furiously.

-Help!

A sharp pain hit Caitlyn. She screamed, witnessing a terrible twist of fate. Mitchie held her firmly in her arms, not letting her go while Shane sat next to them, hugging them in his arms, silently crying. Jason just stood there, shutting the door. He slowly limped towards the bed, falling hard on it. He struggled closer to his dying little brother, holding his hand tight, finally letting all his tears pour down on the covers. Screams, cries and lots of "beep"… Less "beep"… And finally, it ceased…

-Nate!

The heart monitor faded slowly, just like a lullaby ending as the child was asleep. They all stood there frozen, not even noticing the doors burst opened, as the parents rushed in the room. They looked frantically for any sign of life in their son's corpse. No one dared to move, feeling the uneasiness in the ambient air. She thought she was the one to blame and burst into more tears. Everyone gathered around Nate's body, here, crying, shaking... But the truth was that he was no longer among them… Even thought he watched over. But their son, brother, friend, boyfriend… Nate's gone... he's actually gone... _I watched him leave..._


	4. Chapter III

_From beyond the grave…_

Chapter III: Aftershock…

Nate…

It can't be…

Mitchie led me out of the room. Shane was quickly on her tail, but she nodded, tears in her eyes, signaling him he had to stay. He sighed, trying to smile but it disappeared as fast as the door was being shut. I looked at him for what would be our last meeting… In a hospital… As I thought it'd be way more years… When he would run here, to meet me and the child… But the truth was… It was just otherwise… We'll never be together anymore… We'll never have children… I'll never be happy again…

At least, all relatives were here… For once in every funeral… One thing that may make him smiles… He hadn't seen his cousin since he was like 2… Distance… Such a big word for such "strong" family bonds…

Lies.

That's all that it is: lies…

Never trust someone who just admitted being devious…

Never trust someone you know who has had lied…

Never trust your enemies neither close persons…

Never trust anyone…

You're on your own in this world and will always be.

But still, they were all here, in just a so simple phone call… As the phone had never ringed before that event… And now, they were mourning this "loss"… How could they say those things while keeping a straight face? How? He had barely begun to live… It was just the simplest night of a simplest day of a simplest city… And it was just a simplest accident that he paid with his life… Because of a drunken driver… He could rot in hell, I just don't care! He stole my everything away from me!

Nate was the center of attention… Well, his body… But his spirit will always wander among us. I know it. He was laying flat on the bed. They had just taken away the machines and pipes… He was so peaceful… His eyes were closed… I could never see them again… How deep they were, how many emotions they could hold, how many horizons they've seen… How many persons have seen them… How much love they could show… Everything vanished… As they covered his body with the sheets… His perfect face will never be seen again… His ears… His bright and malicious smile, his perfect set of teeth… His soft brown hair… Curly hair… With that small curl that kept bouncing on his forehead when he was running… His strong and warm arms… He trained hard to gain some muscles… He did… And now… I could clearly remember when he was beside me. That was merely hours ago…

_###°###_

_The doorbell rang quickly. It was him. I knew it. He rings it in a small harmony that formed our "secret password". I grabbed my bag, stuffing last things inside before rushing to the door. _

_-I'll be back before midnight, Mom! I'll have my cell phone if you need to call me!_

_-Oh, sweetie I-_

_I slammed the door shut before my mother could even finish her sentence. But I tripped on the wooden floor and fell… In his arms. He caught me just in time. I quickly raised my head and… Eye contact. His deep brown chocolate eyes met mine. __He smiled and his eyes crinkled in the corner, a sign of the wrinkles that would show in old age. He would be a handsome older man, later on… _

_-Oh, sweetie! Are you alright?_

_My mother quickly opened the door but I got up before. She cautiously eyed Nate, who smiled shyly at her, scratching the back of his neck. He was a rock star, he had sung in front of billion people, had been interviewed by many televisions of many countries, faced crazy fans, and all that celebrity stuff… And the only thing that could break him in two was his feelings._

_-I'm fine Mom, it's alright… _

_-Alright… Go and have fun but don't be too late…_

_-Yes, Mom…_

_-And Nate…_

_I started to walk down our path as she talked with him for a second or two. He politely talked with her, even thought he was bright red. Strange he still hadn't lost his way… He must have been training… _

_-Don't worry, Madam Gellar… We'll be careful…_

_And with that, she smiled brightly, closing the door but I knew she was watching us from behind the windows… I smiled watching him walking towards me, staring down. _

_-So, what was that talk about this time?_

_-Something gross…_

_-I knew it…_

_-You know everything…_

_He opened the gate for me before we found ourselves on the sidewalk. He quickly kissed me on the lips, and showed me his arm with a shy grin. It's the true Nate Gray. Shy but helplessly romantic inside._

_-Shall we go to the pond…?_

_-We shall…_

_I smiled brightly, taking his arm as we walked like that, arm in arm… We were lost in each other's eyes… I even thought I caught a glimpse of heaven in his sparkling brown orbs… How handsome he was with this brown and white shirt… It was matching with his eyes… Then, arm in arm, lost in the contemplation of each other's eyes, we walked down the streets towards our spot… _

_###°###_

I walked out of the room in Mitchie's arms, his kiss still on my lips…

I could still feel the cool air in my hair, his hand clasping mine…

I could still feel the pulsating heat in the streets as we circulated in town… When the stars came out to play, shining brightly, like no other time… When the colors were so bright and colorful…

Oh, my…

I'll miss him so much, and I already did.

How could this happen? Killing a young man just because you thought you were capable to drive even if you were drunk! You should be dead, not him! He did nothing bad in his whole life! The worst thing he had done was brawling with the bully! But it was because of me… He bothered me… And I was his girlfriend, so… But still, it wasn't so bad… He had protected me!

Oh my…

You can't imagine that pain… I missed him so much…

I walked into the lobby, facing the entrance. That was the same sky… The same stars… The same cool air… But everything turned flavorless… A perfect night never seemed so dull. Mrs. Gray came over to me. She had left the room with a destroyed Shane holding her. He was crying, sobbing but kept saying it was okay… But it wasn't.

Lies.

Mitchie let go of me to break down in her boyfriend's arms… I lost the love I loved the most… Mrs. Gray hugged me, trying to suppress sobs but she couldn't. She lost her youngest son. As Shane and Jason loved to play with their father, Nate preferred to stay home and play with his mother. He loved his father too, but he wasn't that active kid… Of course, he'd go and play with his dad too, like his other brothers would play with their mother too, but… It was his temper… He was like that.

We both cried, remembering how perfect Nate was… I'm pretty sure that there'll be no match for such a perfect angel… But… How could that happened? How could a strong power let a drunken driver kill a young man? He had barely begun to live! I know we're meant to die sometime, but not like this! How could IT let him die this way! All those stories about Daniel with lions… They hadn't eaten him! He was the straightest person I've ever met in my whole life! And this is his reward? Dying there, with his brothers and friends, helpless, suffering…? This was not supposed to be like this! He was supposed to live until he was old, not young!

-Oh, sweetie! I came as fast as I could when I heard about-

Mrs. Gray let go of me and I walked steadily towards my mom. I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. I sobbed quietly on her shoulder as I heard her cry. She whispered me some pathetic "It'll be alright"… But it won't. I couldn't take it anymore. I prayed. All night long. That night, I prayed for this to be just one big joke… I prayed for him to revive… I prayed to die… At least, we'd both lie somewhere in the sky, at peace, in each other's arms… But a metallic sound woke me up. My mom got up from the chair, still crying.

-I… I take her home… She needs some rest…

-Yes… We all go through a lot… My sons will visit Caitlyn tomorrow to check on her and cheer her up… I think they need to be together in this moment…

-I agree with you, Danielle… I'll see you tomorrow then… We'll pray for you… Be strong… We'll always be there if you need anything…

-Thank you… It means a lot…

Then, we were off. I sat in the back of the car. I turned around to see the hospital slowly fading away with some police cars parking in the front of the building… That night, I left my heart inside of it… In Nate's eyes… And it was just the beginning of the nightmare… Because, of course, when something's screwed up, it's just not that thing, but tons of other things… In short, it's your life…

_###°###_

_I sat there, playing with my hands, in the nurse's office… I didn't know there were so many students here… In fact, I didn't feel good and told Mitchie, who sent me there without any other choice than to come back when I'll feel better… My stomach hurt so badly, stupid cramps, ugh… And I was the last one… Why are they even here? Ah yes, I remember now… P.E. exam… If I wasn't in good mood, I wouldn't go either… Nate walked past the room, anxiously clutching his bag, looking for something inside… He was sweating and I could tell he was very upset… I still sat there, watching him disappear in the corner… Silly Nate, never paying attention to the surroundings when he's upset… Not so perfect… _

_-Caity'?_

_I lifted my head up a bit from my stomach; just to meet two chocolate brown eyes… Those made me melt just by one single glimpse of their color… Nate came back? Weird… _

_-Hey, what's up? You're not the kind of student that would go to the nursery… _

_I waved at him and he instantly sat beside me. That's then that I knew why he was so upset; the doorbell just rang through the corridors of the high school… _

_-You're going to be late, Nate, go…_

_-I'm the kind of student who skips Music Class when a friend who's not fine… _

_He snuggled closer, putting a protective arm around me, not breaking eye contact. I could tell by the look inside his eyes that he wasn't upset anymore about classes… But about me… Maybe I went a little pale because he seemed scared as a small shot of pain run through my stomach, making me shiver. He smiled a bit, trying to comfort me._

_-What's wrong? _

_He said that so softly, in a small whisper that only I could hear. He kissed my temples, patiently waiting for my answer. How patient he could be sometimes… He was not the one who would get angry and raise his voice. He was so quiet, calm and comforting… I shook my head, my face turned red… How could I tell him? I stared at him; his eyes were soft and warm… I looked down, still red. That's when he picked my head up, making me stare into his eyes; he then sat closer to me, if it was even possible… I didn't know this chair was big enough for two people to sit on. I backed away a bit, knowing some people were staring at us… If you ever were in some high school nursery, you'd know that when two persons, especially a boy and a girl, were waiting together, it was for certain problems, and not just a simple headache… I looked at him from the corner of my eyes, smiling shyly. _

_-It's nothing Nate, really… My stomach's just bothering me. You should go to your class now… _

_-I won't 'cause knowing you're not fine is making me sick… Come on…_

_He struggled closer, still staring at me. He rubbed my stomach softly, while holding my hand. Then, he smiled looking down at my stomach. He scared me by the look he had…_

_-I know what you have… _

_-What?_

_He chuckled, leaning in, his lips almost touching my ear._

_-It's just your "not so lucky days"… _

_-Wha-_

_Blood rushed to my face and I went even redder. I looked at him, astonished. He was too, as he shyly smiled at me, still holding my hands. He got up, tugging slightly on them, nodding._

_-Come on, you're dizzy, warm and your stomach hurts… Plus, you only have two classes left… I'll ride you home…_

_-But-_

_-Don't worry about lessons and homework, Mitchie will meet you tonight, I'll tell her and make sure she does…_

_-And about y-_

_-Caity… It's just Music class… Do you think that I, Nate Gray need to know how to read a partition? I already do! I'm a teenage rock star! I play drums, piano, keyboard, guitar, cello-_

_-Alright, alright… You're always right, Natey… How do you-_

_-I'm just a musician, not a magician… I just want to better myself and make people happy… But you… It's different… You're my girlfriend, you know that?_

_He led me outside, towards his car. I thanked him warmly, giving him a small which he gladly took. I just felt better in some seconds of my life… The sky just may fall over us, the whole world may burst, the ground may split in two… I didn't matter… It was only us, and us only… Nothing that would happen would split us…  
><em> 

_###°###_

I felt someone tap my shoulder, I jumped out of my thoughts, trembling, and I looked up. It was only my mom.

-Mom, I had a really really really bad dream…

-About what, sweetie?

-It might sound crazy but… I dreamed that Nate died…

Her face went really pale, and she looked down at the carpet.

-It was… True?

-Sorry, sweetie… I'm so sorry…

I looked down at the floor too as she hugged me tight… This time, I didn't sob. I promised myself I wouldn't. Because Nate would cry too, seeing me sad… And I don't want him to… I sighed as my Mom looked at the mess I made with the covers… It was like a tornado had been there for the night…

-Come on, your friends are downstairs, waiting for you…

-What time is it?

-It's 2 pm…

-What!

-Don't worry, you could grab a bite with the band whenever you want, you were tired and needed some sleep, there's nothing wrong in that…

I nodded, getting up, stretching. Then my eyes fell upon a picture… Of me and Nate, when we were at the park, just when he asked me out… Mitchie took it from the bushes and gave it to us… Nate did some modifications, adding brighter colors and such before giving it to me… I remembered that he told me "No matter what will happen, I always keep the ones I love in my heart. And there's a special spot, just for you… And only you. Never forget it."… I haven't forgotten… Ever… I felt numb, like very numb...

When I finished sobbing in my room, dressed up and fresh from the storm, I got down. My mom was talking to Mrs. Gray. Everyone was here. I was greeted by the band, the two thirds of Connect Three… Jason kept on a straight face, probably not to show his sadness. Shane's eyes were watery as well as Mitchie's… Without anymore words, we walked outside. I heard it. I heard the truth…

-We already made funeral plans… We have contacted everyone, it's scheduled to Monday. Of course, we'd like you to come… We know how close Nate was with his friends… Especially Caitlyn who was his girlfriend… But if it is too much emotions, we understand that-

It's Saturday... Wow. I can't believe it… I walked away; I couldn't take this anymore… If life had taken everything away from me right now, then it has only one thing left to do… And that was to take me too! I sat on the sidewalk, crying my eyes out. The band quickly followed me. They all gathered around me, and soon, everyone started to cry… The worst thing was that even Tess Tyler, the bully tough girl of the town, was crying from her window when she saw us crying there… It must have been something if she was crying…

-Oh Caitlyn… We all miss him so much… But we have to be strong… At least, for him…

-It's okay to cry… Even though I never knew I could!

In our sadness, we somehow managed to chuckle when we heard Tess yelling and crying in her house… It was kind of funny… Maybe it was a sign from Nate to say there's nothing to cry about…

In the end, we'll hold each other soon… In the blackest of rooms.

-Group hug!

Even when Jason was crying, he could still be funny… I swallowed my sadness, almost chuckling, getting up.

The rest of the day passed me by so fast… I wasn't paying attention to anything now…

I kept playing old memories in my mind… Reviving them, those lost moments…

Those warmhearted moments…

My past…

Before the funeral, I opened my bible… I remembered that Nate used to be very straight and sometimes, when I couldn't sleep; he'd tell me stories from that book… But it wasn't the same now…

All those characters, all the suffering, pain… These disasters, deaths, end of time…

How and why?

If he believed in those stories, that was because there must have been something bigger above our heads! Something universal, timeless, infinitely way stronger than Humankind…

But could that Big Thing allow such crimes to be committed?

All those things the book told about… This darkness…

Are we the ones to blame, the misery, the pain…? Have we deserved this? If so, why? The beast which dwells inside each heart will find its way somehow, somewhere in time… Then we will remember all of the suffering `cause if we fail it will be in vain 

Is the heart of stone, no empathy inside…?

Does this darkness have a name…?

This cruelty, this hatred… How did it find us?

Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it?

What happened to us that we now send our children into the world like we send young man to war, hoping for their safe return but knowing that some would be lost along the way…?

When did we lose our way?

Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness…

Does this darkness have a name?

Could it be…?

Was it…

Your name, Great Power?

If there was something great and infinitely good above our heads, it wouldn't be this way…

Never…

Or would that mean…

That "Hell" conquered the "Paradise"?

Maybe…

Then, everything was lost…


	5. Chapter IV Part 1

_From beyond the grave…_

Chapter IV: A twist… Part 1

Everything went so fast… It's already been a day... Or more… I was out with Peggy, Ella and Mitchie at the mall… We got a coffee at some shop. It had a bitter taste. When Nate used to… Take me one, it was the best… But not now… We hanged out a little while outside, talking about random things, like the weather, trees, plants and such… We didn't really want to talk about Nate… We could, we talked about everything openly, but we weren't up for it… Just not in the mood… I glanced at my watch, just to figure out it was 8PM… Wow. I quickly finished my drink, knowing I'll need it soon. Mitchie and I got up slowly, dreading this moment…

-I'll see you tomorrow. What time are you guys leaving?

Mitchie and I looked at each other. It came. That blow in our faces…

-Um... probably about 8AM, you know… To go over their house and kind of talk… The funeral is at 9AM…

They nodded, hugging us… Everyone will miss him… He was a so good boy in his short life… He had helped everyone as best as he could, he never minded hurtful comments, and hatred towards him. But he wouldn't allow a single bit of it if it was about one of his acquaintances, relatives or friends… Many used him and he let them, thinking it was the way it was supposed to be… He thought they needed his help more than he will need help… He was always there when someone needed him, he was a good adviser, mentor, sometimes, a shoulder to cry on, and even a teddy bear… He had never turned away from borrowers, even less from strangers needing money… He knew many things, he was like one point shy of being a genius… But sometimes, there were things he didn't know, and always tried to figure things out by himself, not daring to ask for help… We had to force him to allow us to help him out… In his bad days, like the day when he found out he had diabetes… He would only speak about it if you asked him, but never talked about it by himself, and never wanted to be favored over other people… When we knew about his diabetes… It was… Not the same. At an early, he realized how much life is important. You could fell asleep one random night and never wake up again, and you would think that you'd missed many things… And these things, Nate called them "blessings"… They are simple: hanging out with your friends, telling everyone what they mean to you and telling your dearest "I love you"… I remembered that he used to tell me "Happiness is where I stand, I don't need to look too far to find it"…

-I'm so sorry…

I nodded, hugging back. I remembered I would curse my hair for not being straight, I'd curse my teacher for my bad grade, and I would curse the whole world if anything bad would happen, like my hamster's death… But Nate would always come and tell me "There are way worse things happening in the world… And, you know… There are better days ahead."… I knew this saying "The darkest hour is just before dawn"… It was the end of time, after dawn… I let go and so did she. Turning towards my best friend, she hugged her. We said our goodbyes, waving in the distance as we went different directions. I looked at my watch... Only some minutes… It was strange how the lost days passed so quickly and that everything went so slow now… I stared at the sky. It was dark blue, very deep and intense… Like Nate's eyes… Maybe he was looking down from those stars… But that one… It was one I've never ever seen before… It was the brightest… Maybe it was him… Maybe every angel had its star… Then his would be this one, the brightest. The moon shone brightly too. Even stars were right: together, we're stronger but apart… I smiled as I felt a bit of warmth, like Nate's arms were around me. Maybe I was dreaming... He was not here for he had passed away… But still, I turned around with a glimpse of hope... But nothing.

-Cait', you okay?

I nodded as my hope faded away… This nightmare couldn't be truer… Sadly…

-You're pale.

I nodded as I looked at my phone; nothing at all… Gosh, I miss Nate so much! I would've never thought I'd feel this way one day… I felt sick all over again, just by holding this bag… That feeling of being overwhelmed, but the guts tightened in the same time… Never good…

-Mitchie… I… I'm going t-

Too late… Unfortunately… I puked, but luckily, there was a trash can in this parking lot. She instantly handed me a napkin, water, and gum, which I gladly took… We were like sisters, very close… I didn't need to say something; she already knew what was bugging me… But… Still, Nate was better at this I-know-what-you-think game… I wiped my mouth, gargled, and chewed the gum… What an horrible taste… But not as bad as this one… Sadness… And nostalgia wasn't the thing it was supposed to be then… I hated feeling like this… I hated this feeling… I hated this whole situation… I hated the world… I hated my life…

-Thanks.

She nodded as we got into the car. I was panting a bit, but for not too long… A coffee was not much to… Well… T'was not much… Just that… I would have a though for those who might use that trash can… Everyone had his own problems… They couldn't get worse than mine… They didn't know my pain… This was slowly killing me in the inside even though I was the same physically… I mean, I still dressed up, ate, and such… I promised myself I wouldn't drown my sorrow by letting everything go. It would cause even more pain to everyone… So I still stood up and saved some faceting…

My song… Our song… "6 Minutes" came on... I remembered that Nate and I wrote this for a party, it was pretty awesome... We had so much fun writing it, singing it… Little bonus: Connect Three was backing us up… We were very well accompanied, but it was still just the two of us… I still didn't get why they wanted a song like this... "_One minute, everything feels so new, I need six minutes with you..._" I stopped singing. My heart was breaking in two with every single word sung... Mitchie instantly looked at me, with a straight face, hiding his sadness.

-Thinking about Nate?

I nodded, feeling hollow. Very, very, hollow… I sighed deeply, lost in the contemplation of the security belt…

-You know… He's a ton better now. No more pain… He lies with God… And he still loves you... You know what? Let's imagine it this way: he's on a fun vacation and you'll be there with him one day. But not too soon, hopefully! Forget that part for a moment… He doesn't want you all depressed; he wants his old "Caity" back, the joyful one, bouncing around when he isn't in the mood.

I smiled at her, smiling a bit, trying my best to glow a bit…

-Mitch', that's actually true and deep. But I'm not so sure anymore about the religious part…

She smiled back at me, in a motherly way.

-I know… It's a period where questions are clouding your mind with other dark things… But never forget your friends! They'll always be there for you, no matter what!

I laughed, feeling a bit better. Mitchie and I switched the station automatically and… "Play my music" came on… We both smiled slyly, knowing what the other was thinking… I loved this song! She turned it up; we both blasted it and drove. Even the strange looks from the other drivers when the red light started to flash couldn't stop us… It was so fun… I looked out the window, enjoying some fresh air, like a caress on the neck…

-Wait… What's that?

I pointed something in the horizon and Mitchie looked, pulling over. It was… It was a memorial for Nate. It was beautiful! Truly, he would be proud of it even though he'd be touched… He's so in the dark when it concerns cheers, throwing him laurels… For such success… He deserved it so much, but still he would be truly noble in the heart… Not a jerk at all… It even had a guest book with all his fans on it, his mom, my mom, his dad, and all his other family were listed too… Wait, they were here? I signed the book, along with Mitchie "Caitlyn Gellar... I love and miss you Nate." I put the pen back down; there was a whole row of stuffed animals, flowers... It was so amazing. I couldn't imagine other people would mourn over his death like this… I cried, but tears of happiness this time, I can't believe his fans did this. They were amazing… At least, even dead, he was still loved all around the world.

She went back to the car, as I wanted to be alone and she respected my choice. I didn't know what was exactly making me cry… I've been crying a lot today, over many things, sometimes small things...

-I love you. Never ever forget that… Natey…

I whispered to the sky… Maybe it was dumb, but it was so comforting… It felt like he was still there, beside me, with his arms around me again… I smiled dreamily, with cloudy eyes and mind, leaning back on his nonexistent touch which was the thing I longed for so long since… Weird, I could've sworn he was here, like right next to me… Feel his touch, smell his perfume… I looked around, nothing at all… I knew that Nate was still here... well his spirit was. He would forever be there for us, watching over… Our guardian angel. I kissed the air softly, feeling it running through my air tenderly. Just like he did before… I smiled, looking one last time at the monument and walked back to the car. I got in, closing the door, feeling hollow…

-It's like I felt him right there.

Mitchie sadly smiled at me, before turning her head away, looking towards the horizon… Or the wheel, which I didn't know… We all missed Nate so much… It shouldn't be that way; he was too young to die… And in that horrible way…

-He's there... in your heart. And you know him, right? He would never leave the ones he loved the most behind. Never.

I smiled. It was true. He'd never let us down. Nodding, I sat back, we continued to drive. We switched the radio station once again… "My Heart Will Go On" came on. Amazing song... I remembered that soon after I said "yes" to Nate who asked me to be his girlfriend; he played that song on his guitar. He learnt it by heart and played it for me… I could still rewind this moment… His shiny brown eyes, his curls, his smile, the air wiping our hair… The suddenly warm inside that made you realize he was the one… When I looked outside, I realized that Mitchie drove past her house, which meant I'll be home in 5 minutes.

-Can I sleep over tonight…?

I nodded, smiling widely. I wouldn't be alone and I'd like to talk… At least, just talk, even about nothing, but just talk… To forget this moment and this was the hardest in my whole life… Mitchie stopped in front of her house. She waved at me, signaling she wouldn't be long. That was true. She was so well organized sometimes… She grabbed her suitcase and her other personal needs, dropping them in.

-Okay, let's go. I think I got everything…

-You think?

-Hum… Now, I'm sure!

I laughed a bit and nodded. She could be silly too sometimes…

-Where's your mom by the way?

Yep, I just wanted to talk… So I asked her anything.

-With my Dad. You know, a day or two alone, just the two of them… At least, they didn't call a babysitter like every year! Remember when you came to babysit me, you and the brothers?

I nodded before breaking in a loud laughter. How I missed these times like this one which was one big mess… Luckily, the babysitter was kind enough not to tell our parents if we would clean it up… Nate and I were cleaning my room while the others were downstairs, in the kitchen, the dining room… And we would be fooling around when we were finished... We left her house and got into the car. Another song came on... But I didn't pay much attention to this one… We pulled up to my apartment 5 minutes later, like I planned. Nate taugh me these things, like planning things a year before, and such… How I missed him…

-I'm sleepy… I won't stay awake long… Unless we drink coffee…

I said yawning as Mitchie just laughed. I scratched my back, stretching, already worn out… I remembered I would say to Nate that he lived like an old person… I guessed it was true for me too now… I was accustomed to his presence and now that he wasn't here anymore, I lost tracks… I lost my road. I noticed Mitchie was still smiling wide, looking at me. I shrugged, surprised.

-What? I said that joke ten minutes earlier… It's over…

-It's not that…

She shook her head, pointing something on mine. I looked at what I was wearing, and realized that I was wearing Nate's hoodie... I forgot I had this...

_###°###_

_-Tell me that you love me and tell me that I take your breath away maybe if you tak- _

_Nate burst into my dressing room, looking like a furry. He made me jump in fright and I instantly stopped singing. That was when he noticed me and smiled maliciously._

_-Chad, get out. _

_He smirked as he walked over to me, wrapping his arms around me. He gently rocked me side to side and I even closed my eyes while he kissed my forehead softly. _

_-You do take my breath away, Caity… You know that… So why asking? _

_I blushed, smiling. He was a musician so music was his second language… I stroked his face gently, enjoying the marvelous view of his sparkling brown eyes… He smiled widely, too, maybe because he was lost in the moment, like me… I grabbed his hoodie skillfully while he wasn't paying attention. It was only when I was putting it on that he finally seemed to realize I got it._

_-Can I borrow your hoodie? I'm freezing here. _

_-I was going for a run with it, but as you ask for it… _

_He smiled; looking straight in my eyes with a smile I was fond of…_

_-You can have it for as long as you want… I'll just run without it… It's nothing… Besides, it looks good on you…_

_We were getting closer and closer, less than an inch away from each other's face… He slowly wrapped a protective arm around me, gulping. He wasn't the guy who would lead the other on… Just then, Mitchie and Shane walked into the room along with Jason, plopping down on the couch, noisily chatting. We went crimson red. Shane looked up at us with a frown on his face. _

_-Oh, C'mon little bro'! Just kiss already! _

_They all laughed at Shane, but Mitchie, while laughing, smashed his arm. He smiled, winking at us. Nate and I were frozen, but he somehow managed to lean in and finally kissed me... On the cheek. Better than nothing! I smiled warmly at him, just to show him as I happy. He smiled shyly back at me, before sending a murderous glare to his brothers who were laughing hard…  
><em> 

_###°###_

_A.N.:__ I hope you like this story so far; I worked hard on this one. I just interrupted your reading to say something important. Sorry for splitting this chapter in three parts, but it's better this way. I had a huge chapter and I thought it may be too boring, long and such, so… Anyway, this was the first part, and the second one is right after! And there'll be the final part after… Don't miss the second part, it is really important! Ready… Get set… Read! But don't forget to comment and leave your review, please!_


	6. Chapter IV Part 2

_From beyond the grave…_

Chapter IV: A twist… Part 2

In fact, it was fake… Everything was fake…

When I thought about it for just a second…

It all just seems so FAKE. This idea that, good things happen to good people, and there's magic in the world, and the meek and righteous will inherit it. There are too many good people that suffer for something like that to be true. There are too many prayers that get unanswered. Every day we ignore how completely broken this world is. And we tell ourselves "it's all gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay," but it's not okay. And once you know that, there's no going back. There's no magic in the world. At least not today, there isn't.

And plus…

Have you ever realized one important thing…?

That we are living in the world of fake?

Unexpected dangers… Fake smiles… Fake words… Fake promises… This world is so weird… For the simple reason that we don't know exactly what's right. And so we are like constant gardeners, standing, looking, observing… Thinking that the world's changing when we stay the same… And cannot help it but sometimes we have to do something about it… To help ourselves to not be encaged, broken, and lost along the way… And if a great power does exist, I think that he might be disappointed in us… And left us in the darkness. But is patiently waiting for the moment when we would realize the monsters we have become… Selfish, unaware of other people's lives, only thinking about us… Narrow-minded, ruled by material goods… Greedy, as we never have enough… Fake as we've lost the true meaning of words like "love", "friendship", "family"… But mostly blind, because there are none so deaf as those who will not hear…

One thing that will keep you from being lost along the way: know how to alternate brain and heart. And when you're not sure, listen to that little voice inside of you: it's your inner truth speaking.

I sighed, sitting back in the seat. I must've zoned out…

-Caitlyn?

I turned around, facing Mitchie, who had a strange look… Nether less, I laughed, trying to suppress some tension.

-What?

She smiled warmly and suddenly, I didn't feel right again… I had some strange pain in my stomach…

-You're home.

I nodded, grabbing my bag, trying to act as normal as I could.

-Okay, thanks Mitch'.

She nodded, with a fun look on her face this time.

-You had another flashback right?

I nodded, feeling sad that Nate was not here. I got out the car, Mitchie was hot on my heels and she locked her car. I walked up to the apartment door, looking in my purse for the keys and opened it. She followed with both of her bags as I went straight to my apartment; I grabbed the keys from my purse, putting it back into the bowl in the entrance. Another Nate showed me: putting keys in a bowl in the entrance, so you don't have to look for it in the whole house… I searched Nate's hoodie, yup... I found it. I couldn't have loosen this holy thing… I also found a note but I'll see it later. I opened the door slowly.

-Mom, I'm home!

I used to scream when I'm arrived, so they don't have to come and see each time who it was… I looked down on the table and saw a note… I could easily recognize the handwriting.

_My sweetie,  
>I'm at the Gray's house, don't worry if you can't see me when you're home. I don't know how long it'll take, so don't expect me home soon. I'm helping them to set up for tomorrow… They need help and some comfort… You can still come if you want to... But don't force yourself, sweetie… I love you.<br>Love,  
>Mom.<em>

I put the note down... So, my mom's there… I sighed deeply. I remembered the so many good times and funny moments we spent there… We would play in the huge garden, or in the attic, finding old and strange objects or even playing music all together in the cellar… There wasn't a single thing we didn't do back then…

-Hey Mitch', my mom's setting up at the brothers' house for tomorrow, do you wanna go?

She nodded rather quickly, exited by the thought of seeing Shane but also sad to enter in his room and see this place without him… I already knew I couldn't stand this. But… Somehow, I wanted to be there…

-Yeah, Caity, but… You know… Are you sure you wanna do it?

I nodded grabbing my keys once again. In fact, everyone knew that when I wanted to do something, even something that would make me sad, I'd do it no matter what. A bit stubborn, yeah… Unlike Nate, who would split in two for everyone. He hated confrontations and loved peaceful moments… As his brothers were the troublemakers. Mostly for Shane…

-Okay, let's go.

We hopped back into Mitchie's car and, within 2 minutes, I didn't know how, the car went dead silent… No more music anymore…

-I miss him. A lot.

I said that to break that loud silence, sighing with pain, waiting for an answer.

-I do too. But think about his parents, Nate was like the center of the family...

I nodded. In fact, I'm taking his death pretty deep. So deep that I couldn't imagine a future right now… Not even a present… Just a past with shadows of memories… We pulled up to the house within 15 minutes... I anxiously glared at the front door… I instantly felt pain in my stomach…

-Ready?

I nodded, getting out of the car and Mitchie locked it. She hugged me tight, whispering some "it'll be okay"…

-Come on.

She wrapped her arm around my shoulder protectively, like a sister.

-Thanks Mitch'.

She just nodded, and I breathed deeply before entering... I had peace. I walked inside, well I knocked on the door first… I was always welcomed there, but I was still polite to knock… But not much because Nate would be sitting on the porch, waiting for me… I could see his shadow there, in the corner, near the flowers, looking towards the portal… His mom answered, smiling widely when she saw me.

-Sweetie... come here.

She pulled me in for a hug, even though I didn't want one… Nate looked so much like his mother… He must have inherited her eyes and eyebrows… I gave in either way...

-You okay?

She asked really anxious, but I nodded. I still felt sick... Weird sick…

Mrs. Gray led us inside, after she had hugged Mitchie too. I could remember these same walls just weeks ago, when everything was colorful, and joyful… But I didn't pay any attention at all. Now that I've lost him, I realized how perfect these moments were, and how dumb and dull present moments were… We passed by the door leading to the kitchen, were we could see marks on the door… We used to ask our parents to measure us and they would draw a straight line above our head on this door… Nate wasn't much taller than his brothers, but he was strong… And caring… We finally came into the main room, and you could clearly tell she was crying. Candles were litting up the room in a dreadful way, making big shadows dancing in the room… There was a picture of Nate hanging up, in front of us, so everyone could see it… It was a recent one, where he stroked a pose in front of the house, all smiles, and full of beans… I remembered that day… It was when we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend… Dang… I felt a pain in my heart... Mrs. Gray came over to me, hugging me in a long embrace… She had lost her son… The youngest and the mommy's little boy… I felt her pain heavily… It hurt... badly. Too much. She rubbed my back, trying to soothe both her nerves and mine…

-He's… in a better place… Watching… Over us…

I gently said, trying not to cry... But really, it was impossible. Even Mitchie had forming tears in her eyes, already threatening to fall… I looked at the jacket and even there, there was a piece of Nate's hair on it. Just by a mere sight, I finally broke down... Ugh, I hated this. I hated everything! I finally stopped crying, looking at the time, 10PM...

-Caity… We should go, it's getting late and plus, we're already done…

I nodded slowly, trying to take as much details as I could… I knew I wouldn't go there for a while… At least, not until I was ready this time… And I knew the band would understand.

-I'll see you tomorrow Mrs. Gray, and tell Mr. Gray I said hi.

She hugged me again, kissing my cheek. Even though we were really close families, we wouldn't call parents by their surname… Even if we were allowed to… And I was like a daughter to Mrs. Gray… She never had one, only three sons, and I've always thought she wanted one. I could remember the day Nate told her about us, she jumped in pure bliss.

-I'll see you tomorrow too Sonny and I'll tell him.

I nodded as we let go and my mom came from nowhere. She saw me there and instantly hugged me before she went to Mrs. Gray, smiling sadly. What a day it was…

-I'll see you tomorrow Denise. If you need anything, just call. Be strong…

She nodded slowly, restraining forming tears. Then, Mitchie was next. She tried to smile politely and said goodbye. We all felt like it was the last one… After Nate's gone, we all realize how life is a thin barrier and could easily be broken, causing death… We were mortals, and not expecting much from life now…

-Bye sweetie.

Mitchie let go, smiling sadly this time. Mrs. Gray led us back towards the door. I saw that door again and it seemed to me that I could make out shadows of us kid fooling around… But the reality hit me when I felt the fresh cold air on my skin… I followed straight, taking one last look at the house… It was where Nate grew up… It was his home… Mom went to the car, waving at Mrs. Gray.

-I'll see you girls at home.

We nodded, getting into Mitchie's car. Once inside, we tried our best not to cry as we knew his mother was watching us… But we felt miserable… We were in pain, just to see how things changed… Somehow, I managed to buckle up, waiting for something to happen…

-I still can't believe it…

Mitchie said that sadly. She was right. Everything seemed so unreal… So different… I even wonder what would happen to _Connect Three_… I feared that they wouldn't continue music… They wouldn't replace him. They couldn't…

-Me too… Me too…

We were home within 10 minutes this time... And that was pretty fast. I couldn't think of anything, my lmind was clouded by memories… But, still without much thinking, I ran straight in and hopped on the chair for a few seconds, thinking more about him… How I need to do something to get these things off my mind…

-Mitch, I'm gonna take a shower.

She just nodded, guessing the reason of this sudden outburst. Then mom just came out the bathroom. She looked at me curiously before she smiled warmly at me…

-It's okay Caity.

I nodded, knowing what she was actually talking about. I was just surrounded by mentalists… I hopped into the shower, adjusting some things and let the hot water run all over my body. It felt relaxing. For once since many days, I felt good… So good that I stayed there for a long moment… But I heard them chatting in the corridor and maybe I took a long moment… I turned everything off and hopped off… I dried myself off and applied my perfume and deodorant before putting on my pjs. I slowly walked into my room; my mind was clouded again… Mitchie was in there, looking at me.

-I'm gonna go shower too.

I just nodded as she left to go into the bathroom. Just when I sat on my bed, I heard a strange noise. Like paper… I turned around, but Mitchie didn't left any magazines here… I got up, but I sat on nothing… I put my hands on my hips and that's then that I noticed… Something sounded strange in the pocket… I slipped my hand in it, taking a note out the black hoodie. I sighed in delight, smelling that odor again. I knew he wrote it. I recognized the handwriting… And it had his smell… My heart instantly melted as I started reading slowly, to feel that emotion overwhelming me...

_My Caity'…_

_I had a walk this morning with a book in my hand, but as usual, I have been occupied with nothing but you: I wish I could say in an agreeable manner. I am tormented day and night. They talk of our tour through the country. It's certain I shall never recover if I am to be so long separated from you: yet with all this devotion to you I cannot persuade myself into any confidence of you….  
>You are to me an object intensely desirable — the air I breathe in a room empty of you is unhealthy. I am not the same to you — no — you can wait — you have a thousand activities and devoted friends — you can be happy without me. Any party, anything to fill up the day has been enough.<br>How have you passed this month? Who have you smiled with? All this may seem savage in me. I can't stay much longer away from you… I hope I could post this letter in time, so you'd have a piece of me with you, back there, in our old state… To which I will always belong because it's where you are…  
>I cannot live without you, and not only you but chaste you; virtuous you. The Sun rises and sets, the day passes, and you follow the bent of your inclination to a certain extent — you have no conception of the quantity of miserable feeling that passes through me in a day I'm miserable without you, deprived of everything I was looking for…<br>And you know why? Because __I fell in love. Madly, deeply… Words can't describe it. I love you so much... Losing you is like losing my soul, I'd be nothing but just a shell of who I'd be supposed to be. So while I'd be away, take care of you and be healthy so when we would meet, we could fool around like we have never ever did… I can remember the first time I saw you. I'd never forget. I knew you were the one for me. I love you so much… I will forever be with you. And when I'm not physically there, I'm in your heart. And at night, when the stars lit up the dark sky, look out for the brightest one. It may not be a big one, but it's the brightest: it will be me. _

_Your old best friend and new boyfriend,_

_Nathaniel Jerry Gray alias Nate_

I sighed, feeling strange... So they planned on going on tour… It might be cancelled… Connect Three died with him, for he was the centerpiece…

-I miss you, Natey… So much…

I whispered lowly, so only him could hear me... I hugged the note close to my chest and grabbed the blanket Nate gave me. Somehow, it comforted me a lot. I felt a warm feeling running through my whole body, head to toes…

Mitchie came back into the room when I was done reading the small piece of paper. I carefully put it in my bible. A book I'd never open again. Ever. But it was for him. So he'd be blessed… Blessings weren't only for kneeled people and fortunately enough for us, the damned souls… What a mad world…

-Goodnight girls!

Mom peaked in, smiling brightly but all fears for tomorrow, like the rest of us…

-Goodnight!

Mitchie and I said that loudly, laughing hard. My mom laughed too, before shutting the door. I stretched a long time, cracking a bit… Then I rested my head on the pillow and closed my eyes not so peacefully… I fell asleep instantly...

Oh Nate… We finally met again…

In our dreams…

You were there, standing tall, looking right through me with those eyes…


	7. Chapter IV Part 3

_From beyond the grave…_

Chapter IV: A twist… Part 2

-Girls, up!

That burst my dream and echoed in my mind… I groaned, looking at the clock, 6:55AM... I was so sleepy... And that dream… It was the best since a long time… I looked at the calendar, Monday, duh... Also a day I strongly regret... Worst day ever in my whole life… Nate's funeral... gosh... I would rather wake up and think "hey, it's his birthday today!"… At least, I could see him and he'd still be with me… Anyway, I made my bed, and looked outside. He'd be with the wind. I just knew it. He wrote it and meant it that he'd always be with me…

-Good Morning, Nate… Today's your funeral, which means I'll never see you again… I hope you're at least in a better place like everyone say… Take care of you… I don't want you to be sad like us… It's just horrible… But just please know, I'll never ever forget you... I love you.

I kissed my hand and blew it up. It seemed to me that the sky got brighter, almost like Nate was saying the same thing to me... And the wind softly blew my hair, like a caress… I knew he was there. At least, his spirit was. For sure.

I remade up my bed, not even knowing why, maybe because of stress, and hopped into the bathroom, cleaning up and getting dressed. I had to be perfect today. Not for them, but for him. I had to look good for him. He'd be happy for that… I put on my black heels, dark blue cardigan... Dark colors, of course, but not too dark. Just enough to suit in this situation… I looked at my reflection in the mirror… I think I looked good… Now that I came to think about it, I wondered what Nate would be wearing... wow... Did I just think that…?

-Caity, you ready?

My mom asked from downstairs, yelling a bit I might add… I just nodded, even though she couldn't see me. I put my black flower into my hair. Nate had never ever seen me dressed like that… I was used to wear clothes with bright colors and now, what have I become? It was strange how things could change so fast in your life…

-Now I am… For the worst…

I teased my hair one last time. I looked outside while I applied a small touch of lip gloss too. Once finished, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a handful of grapes. I just kind of chew it to relieve some tension. But I couldn't eat before funerals. It was just not possible. My stomach was growling strangely. Mitchie, who was eating half a piece of toast, noticed it and looked at me with a sad smile on… Ready for a sad day…

-You sure you can do this?

She asked me with concern in her voice. Even unsure, I nodded, walking to the door, it's 7:45... It was strange how things could go so fast or so slowly sometimes... I sat on the chair, watching TV for just a minute, just to know what was happening in the world…

_Today, America is mourning one of the greatest musician it had ever had… Was the phrase the Mayor of-_

-Caitlyn… We'll have to go soon…

_And our reporter has just sent us the latest video… Many fans, artists and even some politicians were gathered around the monument, before gathering in front of the church where Nathaniel Gray will have his funeral... May you rest in peace... _

I turned the channel, it was everywhere... I sighed; knowing my Mom and best friend were watching me… But I remained strong. I wouldn't break down in front of those I love. Like Nate. He had never cried in front of us. Except for one time, when he fell off of his bike onto the pavement, like three meters away. It was because of Shane who wanted to freak him out and jumped out of nowhere in front of him and Nate braked hard… He broke his nose and arm… Yep… As kids, the brothers could be dumb… I heard them saying a small prayer. I didn't join them. I don't believe anymore. If a great power really did exist, he'd like us to believe in it in the simplest possible way: faith. And not by gathering in these places, praying, singing together, like if it wouldn't hear us otherwise… And all those stories about kills, curses and revenges… How could it be this way? Humans created rituals, not it.

_Caity…_

I looked all around, glaring at the others… Who were still praying silently, eyes closed… Nothing... Weird, hmm... my imagination's playing with me again...

_Please…_

I got up and looked around me, but no one was talking to me… Very very strange…

Mom walked out from the hallway, looking sadly at us.

-Okay girls, let's go.

She couldn't help but prayed for us and we left after. Mitchie would get her stuff later. We hopped in the car, my Mom's by the way, because she thought we couldn't drive… We looked outside, taking one last look at our apartment and buckled up. I felt like my nerves were getting the best of me, again… I felt nervous, freaked out and I was shaking… I felt strange without knowing the reason of my sudden sickness... luckily I couldn't vomit grapes... I breathed in and out... feeling dizzy. Then, in a very short time, in fact, I haven't realized we where arrived, we finally got to the Gray's house... all his family was here... So huge… I didn't even know them all… Ex cept for his parents, brothers of course, cousins and aunts, uncles… But who were they all?...

-Hey you...

Allyson, Nate's cousin who's about my age, maybe a year older, came up to me. Like the rest of them, she smiled sadly at us before she hugged me in a polite and friendly way, and then Tawni.

-Hey Ally, what's up?

She tried her best to keep that smile, even though that was hard. They weren't close cousin, but just enough to be sad at his funeral… Irony of life to be able to see close family only on big events, like a fueral…

-Not much… But we need to hang out.

I agreed, nodding, so did Mitchie...

-Yeah, I know, I haven't seen you in the longest, Ally…

-Hey, you two!

The brothers came to greet us, all dressed up, handsome, tall… But sad in their hearts… We talked more, before Mrs. Gray came over towards us, beautiful in her black dress. She was very pretty for her age… Mr. Gray was close behind us, handsome too… Shane and Jason looked a lot like their dad whereas Nate looked a lot like his mother… Same sly glare, nose… It was hard to explain, but they shared a lot of physical traits…

-Hey girls... we're glad to see you. It means a lot, you know, to be with us…

They both hugged us… But still, it felt so weird not seeing Nate around here... He'd be so happy to see everyone… How could it be this way? I looked up at the sky, very sad and empty inside… "I miss you." Was all I whispered to my love... Which is all I could do right now…

Then, Mr and Mrs Gray opened the door of their house once everyone was there, and led us inside. I saw that door again… With the same markings… We gathered over to the living room, glad there was enough space! There was so many people, we could think of a crowd which came at one of their concerts… But it wasn't and won't… But, anyway, this house was gigantic. They all prayed for about 20 minutes or so... I didn't really because I was glaring at one of his photos…

-Okay, everyone will be taking their cars to the church, and afterwards to the cemetery…

I felt sick when Mr. Gray said cemetery... They were crying already… That made me sicker than the voices…

_Caity, please…_

I got into the car, feeling violently sick… My head was spinning and I felt like I was going to vomit… I touched my forehead, and as I have guessed, I had a fever... Everything seemed like a blur to me, I could not make out people, only colors and still, not so easily… I almost fell, but gripped on the car's door. I don't know why, but Mitchie ran after me.

-You okay?

I couldn't understand what she was saying, my mind was clouded… I looked everywhere, trying to find some help, but couldn't… Why couldn't someone help me? I just nodded, trying to sound casual… But it didn't work as I totally freaked out, almost passing away, when Shane tapped the glass. I thought it was Nate! I opened the car door a bit more, letting him come closer. Even his face was a blur, he was talking with his girlfriend, Mitchie but I couldn't know what it was about…

-Hey girls, sqetrj Jason asked me if iuyt fgsed you wanted to ride rrte with us but zefser erhs hjfy kjhtes kjtf hgjutf, liyttyfg dazs phj?

He said something… I didn't know what… I looked at Mitchie quizzically, trying my best not to collapse… She just smiled awkwardly as her face started slowly to change, becoming a blur too… I passed a wet hand on my face, rubbing my temples and eyes, but it was the same… I've already lose Nate and what was going on now? Was I going to be blind? I nodded, smiling awkwardly too, trying to act cool, but knowing it wasn't at all…

-Aww, tkv erhteq ereh!

This time, she nodded, hugging me.

-You okay?

I could only hear if she spoke close enough… Which calmed me down… But not for too long as I started to hear these noises and that voice again…

_No, no it's not alright!_

_Caity! _

I nodded, actually crying… Feeling both lost and desperate. I hated when these tears come out of nowhere, at the least expected moment! When your friends and family are beside you… "What's going on…?" Was all I silently said... Mom got in, and seemed to smile a bit… But it was all just a blur… I heard loud noises, which could only mean that she started driving….

_Why, why, why?_

_Caity…_

Then, without a warning, I heard a noise, like a "click" and jumped in fright… It was only Mitchie… In fact, we got to the church in 20 minutes... It was what the clock in the car said… I got out, feeling hollow, clutching my purse...

_It'll be okay… _

I nodded to that voice… I felt sick… I felt strange… I heard noises all along the way… People were talking to me… I couldn't understand… They had no faces… They were emotionless… My stomach was hurting… I had a big headache… My brain was pulsating thick in my head… I had fever… I almost threw up at the front of the church… I felt overwhelmed… I heard even more noises and voices… I was lost… I was lost… I was lost… There was a LONG line... People were crying, but I wasn't... They were fervently praying but not me… I was lost in the contemplation of a statue… A man with a knife through his stomach… But he didn't seem to be in much pain… He looked weird… Everything looked so weird… So old, fake, wrong, bad smelling… People were disgusting… I felt even sicker now... I'm actually the 50th person in this line... People viewed Chad and then sit down... I was close, but I didn't wanna see him... laying there, cold... I missed him... More talking, more prayers, more singing… I almost collapsed during a sermon… I got the casket, finally, I freaked out... I saw his sleepy face… He looked so peaceful, and shockingly, we were wearing the same exact colors… That was enough!

Enough!

Enough!

Enough!

Something was broken in me now; it had burst into billion of pieces! Rage, anger, despair… Every single emotion I felt made my heart beat in exasperation and boiled the blood running through my veins… I started crying hysterically, I started shaking... I yelled, punched the people surrounding me, before running out of the church! I fell, my knee was bleeding, I gripped hard onto a nearby tree… I actually... passed out... right here...

_Caity!_

I heard noises everywhere, and my head was still hurting like hell… I breathed in and out deeply… I didn't want to start that nightmare over again… I would rather die instead! Living in a world so wrong without him to light up the road was just impossible for me… It was a spliter in my flesh, ripping it out open a bit more every single day… People were talking over me, but I let them think I was dead for a moment… Maybe they would leave me there, and I could get away, maybe drown my sorrow in the nearby lake… At least, it'd be the one where Nate and I used to hand out at… But no, someone tried to shake me, but softly… And I felt strange… Good strange… Like, warmth, comfort, love… Was I dead? Was it paradise? No, I didn't believe in such things anymore. I opened my eyes, very slowly…

-God, thank you so much oh, thank you!

Faces started to be more and more precise; colors went from black and white to colorful ones… Then, I could notice familiar faces…Mitchie, Jason, Shane… They all looked at me with fear but also care in their eyes… I groaned, rubbing my painful head… Seemed like I had a big bump on it… I sat a little and noticed I was in a room, and not outside, near a tree… In a cabin…? Then, I heard yells and whispers… Someone stepped from the band… Wait, was it Nate? I saw him looking at me, straight in my eyes! No… He was supposed to be dead! I hopped up off the floor, wearing pajamas... Nate came over to me, rushing like a mad person!

-Get away!

I screamed, freaking out... Everyone was glaring at me before looking anxiously at Nate, who was just as puzzled a sthey were… Then, everyone left, except him...

-No, you're dead… Then I drowned myself…You're dead... I must be dreaming! Or am I dead too? What am I? What…

I was crying hysterically, freaking out completely… I wanted to pull my hair out… I couldn't freaking breathe!

-Caity, please, breathe… Then, lay down.

I laid down, doing what I was been told, but still completely freaked out… He got me a bottle of water, giving it to me slowly, afraid to that his hand may be cut… I focused on my breathing, but I always kept an eye on him… I sat up, sipping some water, slowly regaining my breathing... I saw Nate once again… I rubbed my eyes and looked straight into his… No, still here… I had no other choice left… I swiftly and quickly punched him in the chest. He backed away a bit, gripping his now painful chest, coughing, looking at me quizzically… I couldn't pass through him… He wasn't dead… I jumped on him and screamed, hysteric.

-You're dead! How in the world are you in front of me?

I started crying, but he pulled me up on his lap, trying to find balance with his arms as we have both fallen onto the carpet. He smiled warmly at me, caressing my cheek…

-Shh... it's okay. I'm right there…

But I kept crying, sobbing in his chest, watering his shirt…

-You told me that short before you died!

He reluctantly pulled away, just to lift my head up, wiping my tears in a soft embrace. He cradled me in his arms, maybe like a baby, but at least, I felt safe again, and I stopped crying. I discovered a whole new world in his warm and strong arms…

-How in the world? Explain to me... what happened? Was it all just a dream or am I dead? Or you? Or both of us? Or am I crazy? Or drugged? Or whatever?

He breathed in, still smiling, with a loving look but yet, with some fear too…

-Okay... Let's start by the beginning… Do you remember that afternoon?

-You died…

-Not exactly…

He laughed a bit, but it was more like a chuckle. And it was an anxious one… He scratched the back of his neck, not breaking eye contact… How I missed these moments!

-Well, this afternoon, we were out canoeing… But the others, Shane, Mitchie and Jason, wanted to go swimming… We went on canoeing on our own when my brothers "canonballed" like Shane likes to call it… Just when we passed near the small coast… We both fell in the water and the canoe went underwater… I tried to catch you, but you hurt your heard on a rather big boulder… I was so scared; you were out for a really long while! I was going to kill them if anything happened to you!

He kissed my temple. I couldn't believe it… I… It was only just a dream…? Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed by mixed emotions… I couldn't quite understand what was happening to me… It all seemed too real, so true… His death, his crying family… No… Was it all just a dream? I could only nod, crying… I smacked Nate's arm this time, just to be sure…

-Ow! What did I do? You seem moody…

I giggled, a bit relieved…

-So we're not dead, are we?

-No we're not… We both have a life to live before… And besides, I couldn't live without you…

We both smiled happily, finally at peace after finding ourselves in each other's arms again. I didn't feel sick anymore, as I leaned on Nate, who held me tight, afraid to let go. I smiled wider, closing my eyes, melting into his warm embrace. Thank great power that I actually had my Nate. He stretched a bit on the floor, laying completely on the carpet. We were both looking at the ceiling randomly, enjoying each other's presence… So peaceful…

-I love you…

-I love you too.

Feeling more confident about this situation, as I've realized that was just a nightmare, I went on and told him about how he died and such, even small details…

-So I died? I really died?

I rolled my eyes playfully, at what he croaked in a faint voice… He truly hurt him the pain I've been through in my nightmare… But just the warmth made us feel better.

-Yeah, Nate… Kinda strange and depressive... But you can't imagine how blissful I am that it was only just a nightmare!

He chuckled, looking straight into my eyes. I heard a small noise, like the door crackling, but I didn't care at all… We were together, and that was all that mattered. Just him and me. No one else. Nate kissed me and I thought he heard that noise too because he glanced back but just chuckled before looking back at me.

-Well, I'm glad I'm not dead.

I smiled, feeling like I've found my way back home… Because I wanted to do this... Or rather say this…

I looked at him quizzically, as he reached in his pocket... He got up and waited for me to sit on the bed before speaking. I could tell he was scarred from the look in his eyes… Pupils were retracted, which meant he was afraid of something… His palms were sweating, leaving some sweat on his pants… He opened his mouth several times, but only sighed, scratching the back of his head… He seemed to look for words, the right ones; I might had, because he is maniac about perfection, mostly towards himself…

-Yo, bro'! What are you waitin' for? The big game's in two seconds!

-Yeah and we bet you wouldn't say it in less than 30 minutes or before lunch!

-Guys!

His brothers burst in the room, even if Mitchie was trying to drag them away… This was useless… Nate was frozen, looking everywhere, just to have an answer… An emotion I know so well…

###°###

-Nate, don't worry 'bout it, you can still say it sometime later and-

-Look! A bird!

Jason was looking outside, almost hysteric. Shane didn't pay any attention to him, unlike the others. He tapped his foot repeatedly on the floor, impatient. Then, Nate awkwardly took Caitlyn's hand in his, grapping it tightly, looking straight into her eyes with a growing fear. He gulped hard, breathless and opened his mouth to speak…

-Herm… Hum… Caitlyn Alyson Gellar… willyoumarryme?

Caitlyn was taken aback by his sudden outburst. She couldn't make out words he said immediately… The gang was frozen, everything seemed to have stopped their moves… Then, she smiled back widely at him, nodding quickly, before breaking down in another sobs. Apalled, he instantly wrapped his arms around her.

-You know, I just-

-Yes!

She threw her arms around him, and they forgot the others' presence.

-I love you Nate. Don't ever leave!

He smiled back at her, kissing her. They felt that warmth and safe feeling they already knew but it got stronger each and every time… It was nothing new, but something they would seek for. Love.

-I love you too Caitlyn. And I promise I won't if you say so too… Forever and ever together…


End file.
